Learning to Love the Process / by Jessica Clark

I will actually never have it all completely together. I believe that none of us will. As frustrating as that is, I am slowly learning that it is okay. Often times, when I think of adulthood, I think of a perfectly laid out desk with nice natural light beaming through the window and everything in its rightful place (whatever that even means). Maybe some succulents and various plants on the desk next to my laptop, paired with some freshly brewed coffee. Sound great, doesn't it?


I have been learning recently that life is a process and I am not in control of it no matter how much I convince myself I am. It is never going to be all in order. I am never going to feel like I have all my ducks in a row. And even if I do at times, it is all temporary. Change is vital to our beings. Change creates space for us to grow and to learn. I know it sounds silly but I often find myself having a harder time listening to God’s voice when I feel like I have everything under control. I typically find myself thinking I can do it all on my own and then trying desperately to scramble and appear as if I have it all together. But then I realize I’m completely missing the point. The point isn’t to have everything in control, I think the point is to let God be in control and to allow Him take us through the process He has laid out. Life is a process, it is an ongoing adjustment to change, leading up to the time when we will join our Creator in heaven. 


This life I am living is not mine. This truth has been ringing in my ears like a doorbell stuck on repeat recently. I have found myself time after time unhappy with my circumstances. I feel helpless and unworthy. The other day, I was sitting in church and heard the Pastor say, “we must remember the fixed value that God has placed on each of our lives.” Yes. This is something that I struggle to remember time after time. When I forget the unchanging value that God has marked me with, I feel anxious, upset and alone. When I forget who much the one who Created this world and created me loves me, I am missing the point. This life I am living is not about me. It is about living out my life as a gift, a gift form the One who created me.  


Something I have observed lately is no one has it all together. No one has it all figured out. If anyone says they have it all figured out, they are faking it. No matter how old we become, life is constantly in motion. Therefore we cannot be so dependent on other people for our happiness and value. In times of transition and times of change, we are vulnerable. We are scared. We need to trust God. We need to trust that He is in control and He is working, even when we don't see the fruit of it. He loves us more than we can ever imagine and does not want us to be hurting, that is for sure.


There is so much comfort that floods into times of uncertainty when we simply trust. I am writing to you today to remind you that we are all in this together. (Queue High School Musical song) No but really, we are all in this together. No matter what you woke up feeling like today, I can guarantee that God knows your heart. He sees your heavy heart and says come to me - as you are, right in this moment. In this moment of fear. In this moment of uncertainty. In this moment of shame. In this moment of doubt. In this moment of being upset with your circumstances. Come as you are, in the process that I am taking you through. 


No matter where you are at today in your process, I hope you are reminded that you have a loving and understanding Father who is looking to you and saying, “I’m here, I’m here, run to my arms, I’m here.”